Life is full of relationships, whether it be friends, family or significant others or even situationships. Not all of them are going to work out. Really, as long as at least one works, that’s all we need to have a happy life. Its hard to say what will work and what won’t.
A part of life is knowing what to do when you get dumped and when you should break up. This weirdly is something which has naturally come to me, but to some it doesn’t. Whether you are the dumper or the dumpee it’s a shitty situation. This takes me back a few year; meeting someone new I never expected, it was only a friendship, or so I thought. It evolved to a situationship, and as a person with the emotional maturity of turnip I had no idea.
For those of you reading this who don’t know what a situationship is, it is basically an undefined romantic friendship. Think of it this way, it’s like being best friends, you speak every day, trust each other, basically everything in a relationship just without the sex, a label and dates.
Chances are even if you are emotionally mature you probably are in a situationship, there are signs to look for;
The relationship is undefined. Are you just good friends (that’s what I thought), best friends, in a relationship. Like, what the hell? It can be hard to know exactly where you stand with someone. I learnt that the hard way, it started with speaking every few days to speaking every day to our conversations technically never ending. I’ll be honest, I didn’t think much of this at all, its just the person I am. That’s how all my conversations go, does a never ending conversation mean I am in a situationship with the lads? No. I guess this is why you need to define your relationships, especially when the “good friend” is of the sex you would be attracted to, or so I have been told when I was talking about this with the self-proclaimed relationship guru in the lads.
There is no consistency. You might speak every day, or like me your conversations are never ending and sometimes it can be a bit before either person hears from the other. Might be a few hours, might be a week. Again, what the hell? For me that was normal, and for a vast majority it’s a normal thing.
No talks about your collective future, but you can see them in it in some capacity. In a relationship, partners tend to plan for the future together in some way. The plans are rarely ever set in stone as they don’t necessarily have to be long term, but they do involve some sort of future time frame, whether it’s something to look forward to in a few weeks, or months or maybe even a year down the line. I mean I was never looking for a relationship, I know she wasn’t, but it happened. I saw her in my future as friends, she saw me in hers as a lot more. I never saw us as anything more than best friends but it wasn’t mutual. See I am not condoning what happened, but I believe if she wanted something different she should have bought it up.
The connection is only a surface level connection for both sides or one side. I don’t think this needs explaining as its pretty much what it says on the tin. I saw it as a friendship, but turns out it was a lot more for her.
Finally, the last sign is that your anxious to hear back from. I wasn’t I’ll be honest, but the key giveaway should have been the fact that most of the time I would get a reply within seconds and she was always a bit annoyed if I took a lot of time to reply.
I never meant to hurt her, but that’s what happened. Our friendship ended, I was sad, I’ll be honest, but that’s a part of life. I apologised because she was one of my best mates, but that was that and it’s been a while since I heard from her.
This is something which can happen to anyone, geezers. I hope you can learn from my mistake. If you ever feel like you are in a similar situation to me, the best thing to do is bring it up and solve the problems. It’s true it might strain the relationship with your friend, the person you met, but you and them deserve closure. In life, only a few relationships work, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make as many of them work as possible, remember you can never have too many relationships.
I lost a friend, and a break up happened. When something like this happens the best thing to do is give that person space to think about what happened, because if they truly cared they will appreciate the space. After a while you can try and mend the relationship but it doesn’t always work. If that happens like it did to me, the best thing to do for both parties is to learn from your mistakes and move on with your life.
It’s a normal thing to feel enraged when something like that happens, but as geezers we gotta get past that and - importantly - no revenge!
I was thinking of ending the blog here, but I realised I never talked about what you should do if you are in a situationship and want more. Unfortunately I can’t go on personal experience, but here is an account from one of my friends. She realised her situation, and realised she was in a situationship, she wanted more but she knew wasn’t going to get. Endless flirting, sleepless nights talking to each other and no plan for the future was getting to her. She wanted more but realised she wasn’t going to get what she wanted, she chose to stay in her position even when she knew it wasn’t what she wanted.
This went on for a few months, as her friend we couldn’t do anything and she was stubborn, we all know how that goes, but somehow our message finally got through to her. She got out of the situationship. It still hurt like an actual relationship.
Geezers and sheezers, you should never let yourself get into this position. If you’re unhappy, know when to take the exit. Any relationship or situationship is like a motorway, an exit is always coming up, just know when to take it.
Geezers, we got this.
(P.S. I couldn't find a relevant pic so have one of me my brother on our first holiday to Singapore)